This is advice we give to everyone who is dating. If you are considering marriage (if you’re dating you should have that in mind) these are the two questions you should be asking yourself.
1 - Am I able to handle the weight of their personal challenge?
Every person has struggles they have to overcome in. life. This could be personality flaws, family struggles, addiction, and more. You don’t want to marry someone who is at the peak of their recovery, especially if their challenge is substance abuse but you also have to realize that even after you overcome a struggle, it will still be with you. It will be something that needs to be disciplined in your life… for the rest of your life. Whenever you get married you take on whatever burdens they are carrying and you bear those burdens together. If you don’t have the grace or patience for their personal challenge you might need to reconsider being with them. You also need to consider the possibilities of a relapse of that struggle and how you would stand strong and help them to overcome. Marriage is the most serious of commitments you will ever make.
2 - Am I able to handle the weight of their calling?
Every person has a unique God-given purpose. It's the thing that motivates them to leave their mark on the world. That calling may be reflected in your career but may spill over into every part of your life. If you’re still struggling to understand what your purpose is, I’ve done an entire course on it that you can take by clicking here. When I say “calling” I’m not just talking about some extraordinary thing, although that may be the case for some people. What I’m referring to is their purpose. When you get married there is a collision of purpose. You should be compatible in that and both be moving in similar directions. That doesn’t mean you have to have the same career or calling but that you will be able to support one another and complement one another. If you’re not colliding in purpose, more than likely you will be colliding in pain. Outside of mutual interest and purpose, another common reason that couples get together is shared pain. However, this collision of pain can be a destructive and unyielding force.
When it comes to being able to handle the weight of their calling I often use the example of a Doctor. To most women, marrying a medical doctor can seem attractive. He’s smart, he makes good money, he cares for people. Yeah, it’s a status symbol for sure. But what about the late nights? What about the odd hours and being on call? What about the physical toll it will take on his body and his mental health. Do you have the grace to help him carry the burden of this calling or will it break you? Money and status will not sustain a marriage. This is just one of a thousand examples I could give. Each calling has its own type of weight that must be carried.
Remember, marriage isn’t just about the physical connection. It’s about bearing one another in love. That means you will have to have grace for both their personal challenge and their calling. And they will have to have grace for yours as well.
As always, there is the disclaimer that abuse should never be tolerated. And if you’re dating someone who is abusive now…run. It will only be magnified in marriage. This article is not advocating for you to become anyone’s savior or to have you thinking that you can change someone’s bad nature. Only Christ can do that. However, no one is perfect. We all have our struggles and your spouse should be a support system for you and help you stay accountable.
Before you get married ask yourself, do I have the grace for their personal challenge, and do we have compatibility of purpose?
Are you unsure about the current status of your relationship? Text us on our private line at (864) 428-7131. We can help to give you wisdom!
The covenant between a husband and wife is the force created to move humanity forward. No institution exists with more importance. All of the cultural issues that we are facing on a global scale, including the debates surrounding sexuality, gender identity, and gender equality are all indicators of how far we have shifted from God’s original design for marriage. It’s time for the church to step forward and raise the Biblical standard because marriage is the solution that the world has been searching for.
Through a combination of personal stories, Biblical teaching, and practical instruction, you will learn how to properly navigate through three stages of dating and marriage using the Tabernacle of Moses as a reference. This message will empower you to move beyond the surface levels of dating and marriage so that you can experience true and lasting love. Whether you are single or married, this teaching will help you navigate through the complexities of relating to the opposite sex. God's desire is for you to experience the gift of marriage. Imagine what would happen if your marriage became a tabernacle for the Glory of God!