Fix Your Gaze: How Worship Can Reset Your Marriage
When was the last time you felt truly in sync with your spouse—not just physically present, but emotionally and spiritually aligned? If you’re feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or just “off,” the solution may not be in another counseling session or new communication tactic. It might just be in your gaze—what you’re looking at, focusing on, and ultimately becoming.
You Become What You Behold
In Psalm 27:4, David declared, “One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord.”
Why? Because what you fix your eyes on shapes the condition of your heart.
Every day, we’re inundated with images and information—our social media feeds filled with filtered snapshots, half-truths, and subtle comparisons. Without realizing it, we begin to measure our lives and our marriages against a false standard. And in doing so, we start to believe the lie that what we have isn’t enough.
But here’s the truth: You become what you behold. And if your attention is constantly pulled toward distraction, discontent, and self-diagnosed disappointment, you will inevitably become the product of that gaze.
Worship Is the Great Realignment
Worship is not a warm-up to a church service. It’s a weapon. It is how we realign our hearts with heaven and reset our minds to see what truly matters.
Worship shifts your focus:
From your problems to God’s power
From your spouse’s flaws to their God-given design
From yourself to the One who created you both for more
When you worship—even in the midst of your challenges—you make a statement: My focus is not for sale. My praise is not dependent on my circumstances. My eyes are on Jesus.
And as your heart softens toward God, it inevitably softens toward your spouse. That’s why worship isn’t just a spiritual discipline—it’s a marriage strategy.
The Marriage Mercy Seat
We often use The Tabernacle of Moses as an illustration of how we should structure our marriage. In the most holy place there is an ark of the covenant. This represents the covenant of marriage where God’s presence dwells and his voice is heard to provide direction. On top of this ark, two cherubim faced each other across the mercy seat, their gaze fixed on the glory of God between them. It’s a perfect picture of what marriage is meant to be: two individuals turned toward each other, but their eyes fixed on the Lord. That’s where glory dwells. That’s where mercy flows.
Practical Ways to Fix Your Gaze
Begin and end your day with worship—instrumental music, a song, or simply silence in God’s presence
Invite your spouse to pray or worship with you—even for five minutes
Use household tasks as an act of worship. Fold laundry while praying over your children. Cook dinner with gratitude in your heart
Curate your home atmosphere with intentionality. Play worship music, reduce ambient noise, and create space for conversation
When You Don’t Know Where to Start
If intimacy feels foreign and you’re stuck in a loop of disconnection, let worship be the reset. Not because it erases your problems, but because it recalibrates your heart. Worship invites God into the atmosphere of your home. And His presence alone is enough to transform even the coldest marriage into holy ground.
Remember, God isn’t waiting for perfection—He’s waiting for your posture to shift. He’s looking for surrendered hearts willing to say:
“Despite the situation, I will always praise You. I will always turn my gaze to You.”
Your marriage doesn’t need another self-help book—it needs the Spirit of God to breathe new life into tired places. And worship is the doorway.
Join the movement of couples who are dedicating the first and last 2 hours of their day to presence. Sign the pledge. Let presence lead.
👉 Sign the Presence Pledge at https://marriage.ryancoleempowerment.com/presencepledge
Watch the podcast episode that goes even more in-depth about this topic!